Happy Wedding Day Jared and Megan!

Today is the day we celebrate their love!

Credit: Time Into Pixels Photography

I Did It

So, I did it.  I took a leap of faith yesterday and signed on with It Works!

I'm so excited for this new chapter in our lives and what it may bring.  Want to know what I'm talking about?

wrapwithmegand.myitworks.com

You can find me on Facebook here.  I'm so looking forward to sharing more of the new journey with all of you.

Megan

Grace at Cafe Chocolat

This last weekend I had the privilege of going on a retreat called Cafe Chocolat with 40 other women to eat some chocolate and spend some time with the Lord.  I was on the leadership team and knew the ins and outs of the weekend.  I wasn't expecting to be moved like I was.  God had different plans.

During our last session we sat with chocolate syrup (our sin) in our hand for what seemed like a really long time, but was probably 10-15 minutes.  It was a mess.  It spread all over, got on everything around you and even on others around you.  That's so like sin, isn't it?  It's just a mess and it spreads.

There were four women standing up front ready to wipe our sin away.  One of them was my mom.  I didn't go to her because I was trying to avoid crying.  I went to another line and as my sin was being wiped away I was overcome with emotions.

Friends.  I lost it.  I thought about His grace and how much He has changed me in the past year.  How He has just loved on me.  How He has molded me through my hard times.  How thankful I am for having my hard times so I lean into Him more.

I realized He's been working to give me a new name.  And for this I am thankful.  Praise!

He is Here

Today I was remembering the circumstances of my doctors appointment one year ago and thinking through all of the emotions that came along with it.  Today was a hard day.  It was a tear filled and sad day.

But, He was here.

It was a day where I saw God in so many places.

He was in my boys' sweet smiles when they woke up.

He was in the text messages from friends checking in and telling me they were praying.

He was in my friend showing up at Target to give me something and then deciding to stay and walk with me while I shopped for 2.5 hours.

He was in the friendly cashier who just smiled and made pleasant conversation when the computer froze and she had to re-ring my ENTIRE order.

He was in the songs that were playing on the radio.

He was in the joy of my boys playing outside today for the first time in what feels like weeks.

He was in the fun dinner conversation about what part of dinner is a protein? vegetable? fruit?

He was in a friend calling me to check in.

He was in the hugs and kisses and tear wipes.

He was here in it all.  Standing firm and never leaving my side.

I want to leave you with the song that left me sobbing.  It was a comforting sob.  He was there in that song.  Amen.

One Year Later

I read this somewhere this week.  It's so true when it comes to miscarriage.  How do you say goodbye when you didn't get a chance to say hello?  

It's been a year since my last miscarriage.  And I'm not going to lie, it's been a tough year.  It's been a year where the Lord and I have been working through a lot.  The biggest being my miscarriage.  So, I'm going to share with you my grief one year later.  

The tears seem to be rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably this week. I'll be doing something like folding laundry and the next thing I know I'm crying.  There's just an ache deep in my heart and it comes out in the form of tears.  If I try to hold it back it makes it worse.  I'm embracing letting the tears flow.  The release of emotions is healthy, right?  

All I know is that as I sit and cry I'm not alone.  There are hundreds thousands of other women out there doing the same thing as me, mourning the loss of a child.  And they're not alone either.  I have this vision of Jesus rocking each and every one of us when the weight of our grief is just too much to bear.  And that is a comfort to me.  The Lord doesn't want us to be hurting.  He is there to comfort us.  And He knows exactly what we're going through.  His own son did die on the cross for us.

So, mamas out there who are mourning... go ahead and cry.  

Let it out.  

You're not alone.

Monday Meals

This week is a VERY busy week for us.  So, I only have a few ideas for you since we won't be home much.  Which means we're grabbing sandwiches on the go.

Lentil, Kale and Sausage One Pot Meal

Homemade Pizza- prepared crust and topping of choice
Tossed Salad

Corn Dog Dressing Bake (I'm sharing the original recipe.  I'm going to make it gf and df this week)
Honey Carrots

Huevos Rancheros
Green Beans

Corn Dog Dressing Bake
1 cup celery, chopped finely
1 large onion, chopped finely
2 Tbsp butter or margarine
2 pounds turkey ham
2 8.5 oz packages Jiffy Corn Bread Mix
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/2  tsp rubbed sage
1/4 tsp black pepper

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
In a skillet, combine celery, onions and butter.  Saute for 5 minutes.  Pour into a large bowl.
Dice the turkey ham and place into same skillet you used for the celery/onion mixture.  Saute turkey ham pieces for 5 minutes or until lightly browned.
Add the browned turkey ham pieces to the celery/onion mixture.
In another large bowl, combine; eggs, milk, sugar, sage and pepper.
Add 1/2 of the turkey ham/celery mixture and 1 1/2 cups of the shredded cheddar cheese into the milk mixture.  Stir in the cornbread mix.
Spread the mixture into a 9x13 baking dish.
Top with the remaining turkey  ham/celery mixture.  Sprinkle remaining cheese over the top.
Bake, uncovered, at 400 degrees for 35 minutes, or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

One Step

So, I realize I've been missing for several weeks now.  Between a case of writers block and working through some emotions again it's just been hard to figure out what to write.  I spent a lot of time in December thinking about last December.  I spent December 2012 praying that we would get pregnant.  That we would be blessed with another child.  We found out we were expecting a few days before Christmas last year.  There were so many emotions; shock, amazement, fear.  We started to make big plans.  We were embracing the next chapter.

Then it happened.  The rug got pulled out from under me, under us, and I miscarried.  On February 1st it will have been a year since we lost the baby.  So much has happened in that time.  I'm not the same person I was a year ago.  I never will be.

I was numb for several months.  Sometimes I wonder how I even got out of bed.  Then I remember I had so many prayer warriors praying for me.  The power of prayer is an amazing thing.  It is the greatest gift anyone could give me.

I still have good days and bad days.  Sometimes it just hits me, that we would have been a family of five.  We would have been having another first Christmas with baby number three this year.  I start falling into the pit of the what ifs and the if onlys.

Oh Jesus.  Come.  Drag me out of that pit.

Just because that baby didn't make it into this world, doesn't mean that he (or she) isn't a part of me.  A part of our lives.  That child will be carried with me my entire life.  That child was, and forever will be, a piece of me.

Grief is a process.  A very long process.  Did I say long?  There is not time limit on how long you will grieve.  I remember asking a friend if it ever got easier.  She just replied, "it just changes."

It just changes.  That was some truth.

The most helpful thing I've found is that I need to feel my pain, joy, sorrow, everything.  I can't hold it in.  I need to lay it out before Him and let it go.  Letting it go doesn't mean I forget.  It means that I don't cling to for dear life.  I trust that He's got everything, including me, and keep taking one step at a time.

Just.  One.  Step.  At.  A.  Time.

Happy New Year

My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This year instead of making a new years resolution I decided to choose a word.  I will pray this word for myself and my family for the entire year.  So, what's my word?

I have hopes for this coming year and I'm going to give them to Him.  

Monday Meals

Here's this weeks menu.  Hope you enjoy!

Split Pea Soup
Oatmeal Bread

New Years Eve Menu
Slow Cooker Honey Sesame Chicken
Kung Pao Tofu
Egg Rolls (my husband makes them and I have no idea how)
Edamame (steam in bag)
Brown Jasmine Rice
Brownies (gf/df box mix)

Orange Pancakes (gf/df box mix)
Turkey Bacon
Hashbrowns
Fruit Salad

BBQ Tofu Sandwiches
Simply Ore Ida Fries
Kale Salad

Sweet Potato Black Bean Enchiladas
Chips and Salsa

Homemade Pizza- purchased crusts and whatever topping we choose
Tossed Salad

Mom's Midweek Honey & Lemon Chicken (recipe below)
Brown Jasmine Rice
Green Beans (steam in bag)

Mom's Midweek Honey & Lemon Chicken (from Cook on a Shoestring by Sophie Wright)
2 Tbsp honey
3 garlic cloves, grated
Juice of two lemons
1 heaping tsp whole-grain mustard
1 Tbsp olive oil
Salt and freshly grout black pepper
8 chicken thighs, bone in and skin on

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  In a bowl, combine all ingredients except chicken.  Mix well.
2. Coat chicken in mixture and transfer to a baking dish, reserving remaining sauce.
3. Place dish in oven and cook for 25 minutes.  Halfway through cooking time, pour over rest of sauce.  Chicken should be cooked through and skin will be nice and crispy golden brown.
5. Serve with rice and green beans, and pour over sauce from bottom of baking dish.

Happy Birthday Myles

Happy 4th Birthday to you Myles.  You bring so much joy to our lives with your funny stories, adventurous spirit and many silly facial expressions.  You are one that loves to test the limits and are going to do great things.  Here's hoping that your 4th year is great!

Monday Meals

Here's another round of meals for all of you.  Happy Cooking!

Crockpot Pork Tenderloin with Sweet Potato and Pumpkin Salsa (I had both of these on hand)
Butternut Squash
     Cut in half and scoop out seeds.  Place face down in a 9x13 pan and add 1/4 inch of water.  Baked in 400 degree oven for 40 minutes or until knife inserts easily.
Salad (spinach, tomatoes)

Hawaiian Sloppy Joe's
Fries (Simply Ore Ida or Alexia)
Honey Carrots
     Cut up carrots and place in saucepan over medium heat with some water.  When cooked to your liking add a little honey and stir.

Homemade Pizza
Salad (romaine, carrots and tomatoes)

One Pot Pasta Casserole
Green Beans (steam in bag kind)

Yellow Split Pea & Sweet Potato Soup
Oatmeal Bread

Monday Meals

Over and over again I see friends posting they need dinner ideas on facebook.  So, I thought I would start sharing a week of meals with you on Mondays, with the links to the recipes (when applicable).  Most of the meals I prepare are gluten and dairy free (or they are with substitutions).  Hope you enjoy these!

Balsamic & Honey Chicken Drumsticks in the Crockpot
Roasted Red Potatoes and Green Beans

Turkey Burgers (purchased ready to grill)
Fries (I like the Simply Ore Ida or Alexia brands)
Salad- basic with romaine, spinach, carrots and tomatoes

Chipotle Tofu Tacos
     We had tomatoes, cilantro, peppers, and black beans with them.

Homemade Pizza- purchased crust and whatever toppings we choose
Green Beans (Archer Farms brand is our favorite)

Slow Cooker Chicken & Dumplings

We had a couple of nights that we had leftovers this week.  Hope this helps with you meal planning.

Megan

Nativity

I love nativity sets.  Like, love LOVE!  Currently I have six sets, but I'm sure there will be many more in my future.  I love to walk around my house during the Christmas season and be reminded of what the true meaning of the season is.

Christ is coming.

My favorite, this was a gift from my parents.  I hope to add more to it.

One of the sets the boys play with.

I love that this one looks like a snow globe.

The other one the boys like to play with.  I find them all over the living room in odd places.  They're usually fighting bad guys.

A little gem that's missing pieces (ears, noses, hands),

The one that hangs in my kitchen window.

Do you have a nativity set, or two, or more?  Do you have a favorite?

Megan

Stop and Savor

The busyness of the holiday season is here.  I went to Target last week and it was packed.  I knew that Thanksgiving was just a few days away, but it was just chaotic.  And only to get busier as the holiday season continues.

I have an inner struggle that goes on during this time of the year.  I want to make memories and give gifts and share in the season, but I want to remember what the TRUE meaning of the season is.  The whole reason why I'm here and I'm free... Jesus.

He is the reason for the season.

His birth is what made way for Him dying on the cross so my sins, your sins, could be forgiven.

So friends, can we stop and savor this time?  This time to wait and anticipate what's coming.

He is the ULTIMATE gift.

The gift that continues to give every month.  Every week.  Every day.  Every minute.

Will you accept it and slow down or will you fall into the busyness?

He's waiting...

Peace,
Megan

Thankful

Do I remember to give God thanks for my blessings?  How about for my trials?

In 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 it says to rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Give thanks in all circumstances.

In everything?

Yes, in all circumstances.

When I'm running late and I get stuck at another red light?

          Thankful for an opportunity to speak to Him.

When I burn dinner?

          Thankful that I have food to eat.

When it feels like everything that could go wrong is going wrong?

          Thankful I have Him to lean on when life is too heavy to bear alone.

It's easier to give thanks when life is going my way.  When it fits in my pretty little box and goes according to my plan.  It's easy to be thankful when my dinners turn out fabulous, my kids aren't whining, my husband gets home from work early, and the puppy is behaving well.

But, am I giving Him thanks for those small things?  Am I taking the time to thank Him for my small blessings.

Today, take some time to thank Him for your blessings and your trials.

Jesus, we thank You.  We thank you for everything in our lives.  The good, the bad.  We lay it all out before you and give thanks.  We know that You will use all things to work together for our good.  And we trust in You, now and forever.  Amen.

Blessings,
Megan

Big and Small Prayers

Last week one of Barrett's hearing aids broke.  It started cutting in and out and buzzing.  That means we have to send it in to get fixed.  Unfortunately that usually means he only has one hearing aid for 7-10 days.

Can you imagine not being able to hear out of one ear for a week or more?  I can't.  I tried to wear ear plugs for a weekend once (so I could get a feel for what he hears like without his hearing aids) and I made it an hour and a half.  Ninety minutes friends.  That's all I could do.  It was awful, and I could still hear better than he can without his hearing aids.

So, I prayed over his hearing aids.  I prayed that they would work so we wouldn't have to send the buzzing one in.  I prayed that if we did have to send it in, that it would be faster than usual or we could get a loaner.  I prayed that the transition with the loaner hearing aid would go well.

God answers prayers.  His hearing aid still needed to be sent in to get repaired but, he doesn't have to be without a hearing aid this time.  This time he gets a loaner.  The audiologist had one in the office.  Friends, this is the biggest praise.  I was in tears when I was listening to the voicemail.  He will be able to hear fully while his aid is getting fixed.  He won't have to struggle in school or at home to hear for the next week.

God answers prayers big and small.  Take everything to Him, no matter what.

Praise Jesus!

Megan

Holy Yoga for One

I'm a Holy Yoga instructor and I teach two classes a week.  One morning class and one evening class.  I struggle with numbers though.  Lately my classes have had 3-4 people.  I want my classes to be full. I want to share Jesus with as many people as possible.  So, I started praying that God send those to class who needed to be there.  Last Thursday I had 8 people in my class!  Praise!  It was a Holy class.  It was amazing.  

I prayed all weekend for my class on Monday morning.  

Lord, please let the people that need to be there, be there.  This is Your class, let it be what You want it to be.  Amen.

So, this is who showed up for my class on Monday...

Yep, that's my mat (and one of my kids is in the pile to the left).  

I spent the hour on my mat moving, singing, praising.  All for Him.  And you know what?  It was beautiful. He knew exactly who needed to be at that class on Monday.  He knew that I needed that class so much.  He knew that I wouldn't get an hour in on my mat at home.  He knew.

Peace,

Megan

Oak Trees

I suffer from "hurrying sickness."  I always feel like I need to be going, doing, going, doing.  Over and over again.  My to do list never ends.  I mark one thing off and add two more.  I am constantly moving or doing something.  I feel unproductive if I'm not.  But, that's not what God wants for us.

Listen to the story of Mary and Martha.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman 

named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the 

Lord's feet listening to what he said.  But Martha, was distracted by all the preparations 

that had to be made.  She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has 

left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but 

few things are needed - or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not 

be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-42 NIV

Jesus told Martha that what she was doing wasn't important, it wasn't necessary.  That what she needed to do was let go of it and sit down and enjoy the time with Him.  When is the last time you were able to made time to sit down and enjoy His company.  To really spend time with Him.  

Can you do that today?  Can you put everything in your mind aside and spend time with Him?  

Sometimes God calls us to be doing more and sometimes it's less.  Last week I talked about feeling stuck and how there is freedom in letting go and embracing where God has called you to be.  

Since I am always going and doing I think that should be the way my spiritual growth should be.  I do something and it should stick right away, right?  Wrong.  It takes time to solidify our spiritual growth.  We have to put in the time with Him and work.  Then we have to give it time to stick.

Friends, what if the "stuck" times are the times we are solidifying our growth.  When God wants to make a squash He takes six months.  When God wants to make an oak tree He takes one hundred years.  He takes time to make squash and oak trees.  He takes time when it comes to our spiritual growth too.  

In the Book The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith he states the following.

"Some years we may experience tremendous growth, and some we see very little 

change.  An oak tree has only a couple of months of actual growth each year in terms of 

measurable expansion, says Strong.  The rest of the year, the other ten months, are spend 

solidifying that growth."

So embrace your slower times.  Let them be the times that solidify all of the work He has done in you. 

I'll end with a prayer from The Good and Beautiful God.

Patient and loving God, when you want to make a squash you take six months, when you want to make an oak tree you take one hundred years. You created us, O Lord, to be eternal spiritual beings, more immense than we could ever imagine. Stretch out our arms to embrace the rhythm and pace that you have created the universe to operate at. Through our reading and discussion today and through the on-going practices of our faith may we be healed of hurry sickness. Amen.

Peace,

Megan

Thick Skin and Soft Hearts

Have you ever had one of those conversations where someone says something that just gets under your skin?  Maybe that person meant well, but just chose the wrong words.  I hope I've never been that person, but let's face it... I'm human.  I'm sure I have.  And if it was to you, I'm sorry.

Earlier this week I went to Barrett's school to pick him up.  He rides the bus to school, but I pick him up at the end of the day.  This isn't how we planned for this to go, but after many tears about long days and "missing me" I told him I would pick him up from school every day.  This remedied his sadness during the school day and his teacher made sure she told me that immediately.  He is the first one on the bus in the morning and the last one off in the afternoon.  That makes for a very long day.  I figure if I can shave 30 minutes off of his day by driving 4 minutes round trip, it's worth it.

So, when I was picking him up I ran into his bus driver and she started up a conversation.

Bus Driver: Is he going to be back on the bus in the afternoon?
Me:  I hope so, but it's his decision.  It makes for a very long day.
Bus Driver: Maybe you should have held him back.  We did that with my granddaughter and it was really good.
Me (annoyed): We did.

You know that mama bear that comes out?  Yeah, somehow I kept her under wraps.  Or He kept her under wraps.  There are so many things that I could have said, but wouldn't have made the conversation any better.

He doesn't have issues at school.  He's a good listener.  He's polite.  He doesn't cause problems.  He's always ready to help his friends out.  He's social.  He was READY for Kindergarten, and all day Kindergarten.  He just "misses me" and I miss him when he's gone for that long too.  I like to see the big smile on his face when he sees me standing there waiting for him.      

I try really hard to think and then speak, but it doesn't always happen that way.  So, I'm trying to stop fuming about what Barrett's bus driver said to me today and remember that being a Christian means I need to have "thick skin and a soft heart."  If I let everything that everyone said to me get to me I think I would be a pretty angry person.  Instead, I choose to take a deep breath and vent what she said to Him.

I lay it at His feet.

He takes it.

He's got it.

Amen.

Megan

Joy and Sorrow

Back in January 2013 we told some friends that we were expecting, then they told us they were expecting.  Three days later I had a miscarriage.  Our baby was due at the beginning of September, their sweet baby came at the end of September.  He is beautiful.

I held him for the first time last week.  I cried.  They were tears of joy and sorrow.  I am so joyful that he made it into this world.  I am so thankful that they got their baby.  But I would be lying if I said it's not hard.  That I don't understand why I can't be holding my baby right now.  He (yeah, I just think it was a boy) would be 10 weeks old right now.

On Sunday, our friends had their son baptized.  I'm one of those people that always tears up during a baptism.  I think it's beautiful.  Standing in community and declaring your child is His, it's just beautiful.  Watching them on Sunday, standing up there with their three boys I cried again.  And again they were tears of joy and sorrow.

"Others who have lost children have shared the inability to separate the sorrow from 

the joy in life.  I find that they are inextricably woven, never to be pulled fully from 

each other in this life.  I am reminded of this delicate dance as I think upon the Savior 

whose blood mingled with our freedom.  I am an injured dancer, and yet one who 

wants her life to bring glory to the one who allowed sorrow and joy to dance at all."

- Angie Smith, I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy

Whether I got to meet my child in this life or I meet him in heaven, I still grieve for him.  He was a part of me for a reason.  He was not a mistake.  He was knit together in my womb, even for a short time, for a purpose.  For that I am thankful.  I hope that the 10 short weeks I carried him, he felt loved.  He was, and still is, a gift.  

Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing. (2 Corinthians 6:10)

Peace,

Megan