Oak Trees

I suffer from "hurrying sickness."  I always feel like I need to be going, doing, going, doing.  Over and over again.  My to do list never ends.  I mark one thing off and add two more.  I am constantly moving or doing something.  I feel unproductive if I'm not.  But, that's not what God wants for us.

Listen to the story of Mary and Martha.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman 

named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the 

Lord's feet listening to what he said.  But Martha, was distracted by all the preparations 

that had to be made.  She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has 

left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but 

few things are needed - or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not 

be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-42 NIV

Jesus told Martha that what she was doing wasn't important, it wasn't necessary.  That what she needed to do was let go of it and sit down and enjoy the time with Him.  When is the last time you were able to made time to sit down and enjoy His company.  To really spend time with Him.  

Can you do that today?  Can you put everything in your mind aside and spend time with Him?  

Sometimes God calls us to be doing more and sometimes it's less.  Last week I talked about feeling stuck and how there is freedom in letting go and embracing where God has called you to be.  

Since I am always going and doing I think that should be the way my spiritual growth should be.  I do something and it should stick right away, right?  Wrong.  It takes time to solidify our spiritual growth.  We have to put in the time with Him and work.  Then we have to give it time to stick.

Friends, what if the "stuck" times are the times we are solidifying our growth.  When God wants to make a squash He takes six months.  When God wants to make an oak tree He takes one hundred years.  He takes time to make squash and oak trees.  He takes time when it comes to our spiritual growth too.  

In the Book The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith he states the following.

"Some years we may experience tremendous growth, and some we see very little 

change.  An oak tree has only a couple of months of actual growth each year in terms of 

measurable expansion, says Strong.  The rest of the year, the other ten months, are spend 

solidifying that growth."

So embrace your slower times.  Let them be the times that solidify all of the work He has done in you. 

I'll end with a prayer from The Good and Beautiful God.

Patient and loving God, when you want to make a squash you take six months, when you want to make an oak tree you take one hundred years. You created us, O Lord, to be eternal spiritual beings, more immense than we could ever imagine. Stretch out our arms to embrace the rhythm and pace that you have created the universe to operate at. Through our reading and discussion today and through the on-going practices of our faith may we be healed of hurry sickness. Amen.

Peace,

Megan

Frozen Chicken and Tears

I wanted to make a nice dinner.  I decided I would make a whole chicken in the crockpot. That should be quick and easy, right?  This is coming from the woman who NEVER defrosts her meat ahead of time.  You know, like the night before.  That requires thinking ahead and I don't tend to do that.  I make a meal plan every week, but I don't decide which days we are going to eat which meals.

Anyways, I went to the deep freezer and grabbed my whole chicken.  My whole frozen solid chicken.  My plan was to cut the wrapper off and throw it and the other ingredients into the crockpot.  Dinner done.  Yeah, that was my plan.

This is what happened.  I cut the wrapper off and threw it away, but there was something stuck to the bottom of the frozen chicken.  You know the thing that thing the manufacturers put in there to catch all the juices, it had become a part of the chicken.  In my infinite wisdom I grabbed my knife and started prying the "chicken juice catcher" (yes, that's my technical term) off of the chicken.  As you can imagine this wasn't working very well.  Parts of the chicken juice catcher were coming off, but some of it was still stuck to the chicken.  So, I did what any sane (using the term loosely here) woman would do an screamed at the chicken.  I'm really hoping that I'm not alone in this.  I hope that I'm not the only one that has screamed at her chicken.  Then, I grabbed the knife and stabbed it.  I'm not proud.  Plus, the screaming and stabbing didn't get that darn chicken juice catcher off of the chicken!

I scream, "I hate cooking!  I hate food!"

Now, I'm in tears.  Frustrated.  Feeling alone.  Overwhelmed.  I cry out to Jesus.  Help me!

Then comes this thought.  This frozen chicken is a metaphor for my life.  I had an idea in my mind about how I wanted making dinner to go.  I had a plan, my plan.  I wanted to do it quickly and get it done.

But, God He wants us to savor life.  He wants us to slow down.  Maybe we even have to stop and lay it all down at his feet.  Maybe that involves screaming and tears. He knows the plans He has for me and he wants good for me, for you. (Jeremiah 29:11).  

Defrost the chicken to get dinner made.

It's genius!  It was outside of my thought process, which seems ridiculous in hind sight.  I tossed the chicken in the microwave to defrost and that chicken juice catcher came right off.  And now, a few hours later my house is starting to smell amazing.  All because I chose to go on a different path and switch gears.

I was just going to toss that stupid chicken in the trash.  Throw it away.  But, I stopped.  I prayed.  I asked for help.  The surrender (even on something as small as making dinner) allows Him to take the weight off of our shoulders.  He stands there waiting for us to allow Him to yoke to us.  His yoke is easy and the burden is light (Matthew 11:30).  We just have to ask.

So, I thought I would share the recipe with you.
Crockpot Chicken Dinner
1 Whole Chicken without innards, defrosted (at least slightly)
salt
pepper
sage
Put the chicken in the crockpot and season to taste with salt, pepper and sage.  Or whatever you would like.
celery, I just used what was left in my fridge
carrots, I used 4 large
onion, I used 1/2 of a large white onion
Chop the celery, carrots and onion and add to the crockpot.  I just used what I had.  I'm horrible, I hardly ever measure.  Add 1 cup of water into the crockpot.  Cook on high 6-8 hours.

I'm serving our chicken with butternut squash and a kale salad.

Laying it at His Feet

I was talking with a friend the other day about surrender.  It's such a hard thing to do.  And God doesn't want me to do it unless I want to.  It's my choice.  It's part of that free will thing.  When I decide to surrender, I have to do it in love.  If I'm not surrendering in love, then I might as well not surrender.

I've been reading Angie Smith's book I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy.  This is an amazing book by the way.  Definitely worth the read!  I'm realizing through reading this I am still working through the grief of my two miscarriages.  I'm still working on fully surrendering those to the Lord.

Anyways... I was reading her book at a coffee shop this morning and this is what I read.

"I literally screamed at the sky while I cried over my own hurt and the hurt of a sister 

I had never met.  He never back down, though, and I am grateful for that love.  It is 

the love of a Father who Himself is well acquainted with sorrow.  It is the love of a 

Father who has lost His Son.  He understands the ranting and the door-slamming.  

The emptiness tat wraps around me when I think of my sweet Audrey.

He knows.

And He only has one request.

Bring it right to Me, Angie.

Every time the anger roars in your heart.

Bring it to Me.

Every time you feel like nobody hears you.

Bring it to Me.

When you think it isn't fair.  When you think it isn't true.  When you can't think at all.

Bring it to My feet, and I will make an altar from your suffering." 

- Angie Smith, I Will Carry You

Whether is grief, life or something else that's overwhelming me.  I can take it to His feet.  I can surrender it to Him in love and He will make an altar from my suffering.  He understands everything that I'm going through.  It's all covered in His love.

I lift my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

Peace,

Megan

Stuck and Freedom

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/months where you just feel stuck?  That's where I am right now.  It's where God has asked me to be, but it's not where I want to be.  He doesn't want me to feel stuck, He wants me to lean into Him for strength.  I want to go off and do great and exciting things, but He wants me here.  And He wants me to find joy here.  I am here to do what He has planned for me, and my life.  I struggle with following His directions when it's so the opposite of what I want to be doing.

But I remind myself of this...
He can see the big picture.  I can't.  He knows what's best for me, I only think I do.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I've been here for about a month.  Not doing what I want to be doing, but trying my hardest to lean into Him and what He's called me to do: minister to my family.  Fully jump into everything.  And do it with love.  Even the small stuff like cleaning up spilled milk and fixing broken toys.

As a stay at home mom sometimes it doesn't always feel like I'm doing great things.  Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in the mundane.  I don't always like dealing with the meltdowns, laundry, dishes and arguments.  But then I'm reminded that the most important thing I get to do with my kids is share Jesus with them.  It's a choice I get to make.  It's not something I have to do.  I GET TO share the LOVE of Christ with my kids.  I show His love through all of my actions.  That's wiping tears, helping with homework, packing snacks, making dinner, helping make beds, washing clothes, being patient, everything.  When I do all of those things in love, it shows.  When I do all of those things while leaning into Him, it shows.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28 NIV

I'm not saying it's easy.  By no means is it easy.  It's a daily hourly every minute surrender.  Over and over each and every day.  Sometimes I don't surrender to Him and life gets harder.  The days feel like a constant battle.  Those are the days I feel stuck.  Those are the days I feel out of control.

JJ Heller has a song called Loved.  My favorite lines from the song come from the bridge.
Freedom comes in letting go
Open up the window to your heart
Freedom comes in letting go
Open up your heart

It's so true.  When I let go of my expectations and lean into His will, His Word, His plans I feel free.  I realize that I'm not stuck.  That I am doing great things.  That am I doing one of the greatest things of all... sharing Christ with my family.  And I'm finding joy in doing it.  I feel freedom because I've let go.

Peace,
Megan

I Have No Words, Just Prayers

One of my friends lost her baby girl a week ago.

Jesus.  I have no words.  Please.  Come.

I have no words.  My heart just aches.  Parents aren't supposed to bury their children.  I want to say the right thing.  I want to do something for them.  There is no right thing to say and there is nothing I can do that can make this ok.

So, what can I do to help?

Right now, all I can do is pray.  All I can do is lean into our Creator, asking Him to give them support.  To give them comfort.  To give them the strength to get through the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

Jesus.  Please.  Come.  Help.  Amen.

Let Me Be Honest

After reading the post at She Breathes Deeply today I wanted to had to write this.

I don't want to be one of those people who come across like I "have it all together."  I don't.  I'm a mess.  I'm a work in progress.  I have to surrender to Him over and over every day.  I make mistakes constantly and I don't ever finish everything I want to get done.

You would think it would be a little easier to get things done around here.  I have two kids that can entertain themselves (and the puppy) for a little while.

I have a kitchen that's a disaster (and waiting for my husband to conquer).

I have clean laundry piled up all around me (dirty too, don't let the clean piles fool you).

I have a puppy that thinks ALL of her toys need to be out (I'm pretty sure the boys help her too).

But.  Yep, there's a BUT.  God didn't call me to be a great housekeeper, clothes washer, dish cleaner.  I'm learning to let those go and try to do what He's called me to do.

He called me to follow Him.  Some days it's easier to get my time in with Him.  Some days, it falls to the side and I have guilt.  It's about surrender, constant surrender.  Over and over each and every day.

He called me to be a wife,

a mom,

a Holy Yoga Instructor.

Most days I still don't feel adequate for what He's called me to do, to be.  But, I'm trusting that He's got my life.  He's got me, my husband, my kids.  He's got everything and I just need to trust.  And breathe.

Blessings,

Megan

One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days weeks that just seems like nothing could go right.  I'm having one of those this week.  It's the first full week of summer vacation and I'm glad my kids are home, but it's been raining.  A lot.  We even went to the pool yesterday and it rained while we were there.  So we've been stuck inside. A lot.

This week it feels like nothing is going my way.  I feel like bursting into tears and have several times.  You know at great times like driving to the pediatricians office or to the grocery store.  I'm just emotional.  I'm worn out and I'm tired.

But that right there "nothing is going my way" is probably my biggest problem.  I'm trying to control my life and my situations and when they don't go my way, I pout.  Maybe I even through a fit.  Isaiah 55:8-9 says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Yesterday I decided to forced myself to do an audio Holy Yoga practice with Brooke Boon.  It was on my mat where I heard Him say this.  

Why are you trying to do this alone?  Why are you trying to rely on yourself to get you through this?  I'm right here waiting for you to let me help you.

Bam!  How true is that?  Why don't I rely on Him when the going gets tough?  Because I know from experience that it's going to get tough.  Life is one big roller coaster with ups and downs.

Matthew 11:28-30 says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

He wants to bear the weight of my loads, of your loads.  He wants to help us through the thick of it and get us to the other side.  It won't be easy, it will take work.  But He will give us rest.  He has a plan and it's a good one.  I just don't know what it is.  But, if I take the time to be with Him every chance I can I might start to see little bits and pieces of it.

"For I know the plan I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Can you lean into Him with me today?  Can you trust Him enough to let go of your plans?

Blessings,
Megan

Walls

I started my Holy Yoga practice the other morning with the intent of surrender.  A few nights ago Beau gave me some news.  I knew what he told me already, but to hear it spoken out loud is different.  The news could possibly be a big change for us.  I don't do change well.

I also just started reading Hinds Feet On High Places.  It's a book about total surrender to God.  God is with you through the trenches, in the lowest of the low.  If you fully trust in Him, fully surrender, He'll take you to the high places.

I approach everything with caution (aka fear).  I'm afraid of being fully open, too vulnerable.  It's too much for me.  I've spent my entire life building up walls of protection around myself.  This is so I don't have to feel the pain, the hurt of life.

What have my walls done for me?  Nothing!

Have I released the pain from my past?  No!

All of the pain and hurt from my life is stuck inside the walls around my heart.  The walls that I put there.  They are the walls that He wants to tear down.  But, He doesn't want to take a wrecking ball to my walls.  That would be too fast and we (He and I) wouldn't be able to work through each piece.  Some of it would get lost in the rubble.  He wants to take my walls down one brick at a time.

ONE. BRICK . AT. A. TIME.

That's going to take a long time.  He wants to put that much work into me.  He would do it for anyone.  I need to feel each and every brick.  To feel the weight of them and let them go.  One at a time.  Releasing them to Him.

(Insert big sigh...)

It won't be easy and I can't do it alone.  I'm glad that He'll be there with me every brick along the way.  I need Him.  I need His strength, because I'm tired just thinking about the work ahead.  I'm still trying to fully surrender to this process.  It's hard.  But, He is on my side.

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Blessings,

Megan