Happy Wedding Day Jared and Megan!

Today is the day we celebrate their love!

Credit: Time Into Pixels Photography

He is Here

Today I was remembering the circumstances of my doctors appointment one year ago and thinking through all of the emotions that came along with it.  Today was a hard day.  It was a tear filled and sad day.

But, He was here.

It was a day where I saw God in so many places.

He was in my boys' sweet smiles when they woke up.

He was in the text messages from friends checking in and telling me they were praying.

He was in my friend showing up at Target to give me something and then deciding to stay and walk with me while I shopped for 2.5 hours.

He was in the friendly cashier who just smiled and made pleasant conversation when the computer froze and she had to re-ring my ENTIRE order.

He was in the songs that were playing on the radio.

He was in the joy of my boys playing outside today for the first time in what feels like weeks.

He was in the fun dinner conversation about what part of dinner is a protein? vegetable? fruit?

He was in a friend calling me to check in.

He was in the hugs and kisses and tear wipes.

He was here in it all.  Standing firm and never leaving my side.

I want to leave you with the song that left me sobbing.  It was a comforting sob.  He was there in that song.  Amen.

One Year Later

I read this somewhere this week.  It's so true when it comes to miscarriage.  How do you say goodbye when you didn't get a chance to say hello?  

It's been a year since my last miscarriage.  And I'm not going to lie, it's been a tough year.  It's been a year where the Lord and I have been working through a lot.  The biggest being my miscarriage.  So, I'm going to share with you my grief one year later.  

The tears seem to be rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably this week. I'll be doing something like folding laundry and the next thing I know I'm crying.  There's just an ache deep in my heart and it comes out in the form of tears.  If I try to hold it back it makes it worse.  I'm embracing letting the tears flow.  The release of emotions is healthy, right?  

All I know is that as I sit and cry I'm not alone.  There are hundreds thousands of other women out there doing the same thing as me, mourning the loss of a child.  And they're not alone either.  I have this vision of Jesus rocking each and every one of us when the weight of our grief is just too much to bear.  And that is a comfort to me.  The Lord doesn't want us to be hurting.  He is there to comfort us.  And He knows exactly what we're going through.  His own son did die on the cross for us.

So, mamas out there who are mourning... go ahead and cry.  

Let it out.  

You're not alone.

Monday Meals

This week is a VERY busy week for us.  So, I only have a few ideas for you since we won't be home much.  Which means we're grabbing sandwiches on the go.

Lentil, Kale and Sausage One Pot Meal

Homemade Pizza- prepared crust and topping of choice
Tossed Salad

Corn Dog Dressing Bake (I'm sharing the original recipe.  I'm going to make it gf and df this week)
Honey Carrots

Huevos Rancheros
Green Beans

Corn Dog Dressing Bake
1 cup celery, chopped finely
1 large onion, chopped finely
2 Tbsp butter or margarine
2 pounds turkey ham
2 8.5 oz packages Jiffy Corn Bread Mix
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/2  tsp rubbed sage
1/4 tsp black pepper

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
In a skillet, combine celery, onions and butter.  Saute for 5 minutes.  Pour into a large bowl.
Dice the turkey ham and place into same skillet you used for the celery/onion mixture.  Saute turkey ham pieces for 5 minutes or until lightly browned.
Add the browned turkey ham pieces to the celery/onion mixture.
In another large bowl, combine; eggs, milk, sugar, sage and pepper.
Add 1/2 of the turkey ham/celery mixture and 1 1/2 cups of the shredded cheddar cheese into the milk mixture.  Stir in the cornbread mix.
Spread the mixture into a 9x13 baking dish.
Top with the remaining turkey  ham/celery mixture.  Sprinkle remaining cheese over the top.
Bake, uncovered, at 400 degrees for 35 minutes, or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

One Step

So, I realize I've been missing for several weeks now.  Between a case of writers block and working through some emotions again it's just been hard to figure out what to write.  I spent a lot of time in December thinking about last December.  I spent December 2012 praying that we would get pregnant.  That we would be blessed with another child.  We found out we were expecting a few days before Christmas last year.  There were so many emotions; shock, amazement, fear.  We started to make big plans.  We were embracing the next chapter.

Then it happened.  The rug got pulled out from under me, under us, and I miscarried.  On February 1st it will have been a year since we lost the baby.  So much has happened in that time.  I'm not the same person I was a year ago.  I never will be.

I was numb for several months.  Sometimes I wonder how I even got out of bed.  Then I remember I had so many prayer warriors praying for me.  The power of prayer is an amazing thing.  It is the greatest gift anyone could give me.

I still have good days and bad days.  Sometimes it just hits me, that we would have been a family of five.  We would have been having another first Christmas with baby number three this year.  I start falling into the pit of the what ifs and the if onlys.

Oh Jesus.  Come.  Drag me out of that pit.

Just because that baby didn't make it into this world, doesn't mean that he (or she) isn't a part of me.  A part of our lives.  That child will be carried with me my entire life.  That child was, and forever will be, a piece of me.

Grief is a process.  A very long process.  Did I say long?  There is not time limit on how long you will grieve.  I remember asking a friend if it ever got easier.  She just replied, "it just changes."

It just changes.  That was some truth.

The most helpful thing I've found is that I need to feel my pain, joy, sorrow, everything.  I can't hold it in.  I need to lay it out before Him and let it go.  Letting it go doesn't mean I forget.  It means that I don't cling to for dear life.  I trust that He's got everything, including me, and keep taking one step at a time.

Just.  One.  Step.  At.  A.  Time.

Monday Meals

Here's this weeks menu.  Hope you enjoy!

Split Pea Soup
Oatmeal Bread

New Years Eve Menu
Slow Cooker Honey Sesame Chicken
Kung Pao Tofu
Egg Rolls (my husband makes them and I have no idea how)
Edamame (steam in bag)
Brown Jasmine Rice
Brownies (gf/df box mix)

Orange Pancakes (gf/df box mix)
Turkey Bacon
Hashbrowns
Fruit Salad

BBQ Tofu Sandwiches
Simply Ore Ida Fries
Kale Salad

Sweet Potato Black Bean Enchiladas
Chips and Salsa

Homemade Pizza- purchased crusts and whatever topping we choose
Tossed Salad

Mom's Midweek Honey & Lemon Chicken (recipe below)
Brown Jasmine Rice
Green Beans (steam in bag)

Mom's Midweek Honey & Lemon Chicken (from Cook on a Shoestring by Sophie Wright)
2 Tbsp honey
3 garlic cloves, grated
Juice of two lemons
1 heaping tsp whole-grain mustard
1 Tbsp olive oil
Salt and freshly grout black pepper
8 chicken thighs, bone in and skin on

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  In a bowl, combine all ingredients except chicken.  Mix well.
2. Coat chicken in mixture and transfer to a baking dish, reserving remaining sauce.
3. Place dish in oven and cook for 25 minutes.  Halfway through cooking time, pour over rest of sauce.  Chicken should be cooked through and skin will be nice and crispy golden brown.
5. Serve with rice and green beans, and pour over sauce from bottom of baking dish.

Happy Birthday Myles

Happy 4th Birthday to you Myles.  You bring so much joy to our lives with your funny stories, adventurous spirit and many silly facial expressions.  You are one that loves to test the limits and are going to do great things.  Here's hoping that your 4th year is great!

Monday Meals

Here's another round of meals for all of you.  Happy Cooking!

Crockpot Pork Tenderloin with Sweet Potato and Pumpkin Salsa (I had both of these on hand)
Butternut Squash
     Cut in half and scoop out seeds.  Place face down in a 9x13 pan and add 1/4 inch of water.  Baked in 400 degree oven for 40 minutes or until knife inserts easily.
Salad (spinach, tomatoes)

Hawaiian Sloppy Joe's
Fries (Simply Ore Ida or Alexia)
Honey Carrots
     Cut up carrots and place in saucepan over medium heat with some water.  When cooked to your liking add a little honey and stir.

Homemade Pizza
Salad (romaine, carrots and tomatoes)

One Pot Pasta Casserole
Green Beans (steam in bag kind)

Yellow Split Pea & Sweet Potato Soup
Oatmeal Bread

Monday Meals

Over and over again I see friends posting they need dinner ideas on facebook.  So, I thought I would start sharing a week of meals with you on Mondays, with the links to the recipes (when applicable).  Most of the meals I prepare are gluten and dairy free (or they are with substitutions).  Hope you enjoy these!

Balsamic & Honey Chicken Drumsticks in the Crockpot
Roasted Red Potatoes and Green Beans

Turkey Burgers (purchased ready to grill)
Fries (I like the Simply Ore Ida or Alexia brands)
Salad- basic with romaine, spinach, carrots and tomatoes

Chipotle Tofu Tacos
     We had tomatoes, cilantro, peppers, and black beans with them.

Homemade Pizza- purchased crust and whatever toppings we choose
Green Beans (Archer Farms brand is our favorite)

Slow Cooker Chicken & Dumplings

We had a couple of nights that we had leftovers this week.  Hope this helps with you meal planning.

Megan

Seeking Community

I've been yearning for friends, for community.  I've been feeling like I don't have that and I want it.  I want people around me that just do life with me.  Nothing fancy, just life.

Then this weekend happened.  The Twin Cities were hit pretty hard this past weekend with storms.  I went to a friends house on Friday night for a slumber party.  Just me and two of my girlfriends.  We planned to do some Holy Yoga, play some games, polish our nails, do some facials and drink some margaritas.  God had so much more in store for us.

So. Much. More.

We got to my friends house (which was plan B already due to the power being out at the other home) and 15 minutes later her power went out.  What to do?  We got on our yoga mats.  We worshiped in the dark by candlelight.  It was beautiful.  It was Holy.

We felt moved to pray when we were done.  Sitting together in a circle, knees to knees and holding hands.  You could feel the Lord's presence there.  He was with us in the dark.  He was a light shining among us.  It was peaceful and amazing (even with the gurgles of water coming from the basement).

We went downstairs to check out the gurgles and found her husband and daughter had been transferring water from the overflowing sump basin to the utility sink for the last thirty plus minutes.  Thus began our bucket brigade.  In the basement, in the candlelight, for the next hour.  I have never had more fun doing work like that.  We laughed, we sang, we slipped, we were doing life together.

If we hadn't been there that night, if we had been at the original location, their whole basement probably would have flooded.  God put us right where we needed to be.  And he gave me what I had been longing for.  People who were just happy to be around each other doing life.  Nothing fancy, just life.

I have community here and it spreads wider than the women I was with that night.  We have amazing family and friends that came together this weekend and we did life together.  What I longed for, I already had.  It just took a storm for me to see what was right in front of me.

Do you have community?  Do you long for community?  If you're in the Twin Cities you can find some Holy Yoga community here.  It might change your life.

Blessings,
Megan

The Mondays

Today I have a case of the Mondays.  We had this wonderful weekend.  Beau didn't have to work on Saturday and the weather was nice enough yesterday that we spent the whole afternoon outside.  Doing yard work, playing, just being us.  I thank God for the beautiful weekend, but today is Monday.

Monday means that I don't have my husband around to help me with everything; making food, prepping backpacks for school, taking care of the puppy, doctors appointments, nap-time meltdowns.  Then it struck me... at least I have his help when he is home.  I think of the single parents and the parents that don't get help from their spouse.  God has blessed me so much to have this wonderful relationship with Beau where we can rely on each other for help.  He stays patient when I'm not and vice versa.  It's a beautiful thing this relationship that God gave us.

Here's the thing about Monday though.  We're not alone.  We still have someone to lean into.  He was there the whole weekend.  He's there all the time.  He never leaves my side (or yours).  God is always with us there to help us through whatever Monday throws at us.

But.

Why do I allow that but to rear it's ugly face into my day?  Into my life?  Why can't I just lean into Him and accept His grace on this Monday?

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. 

(Joshua 1:9)

That's right.  He's with me, with you, not matter what.

Blessings,
Megan

Introducing Kylie

For those of you who don't know.  We lost our wonderful lab mix Rocky in March.  He was the most amazing dog.  Beau and I got him right after we started dating in 2001 and he's was a wonderful companion for those almost 12 years.  Barrett and Myles remind us constantly that "Rocky's in heaven with God."

We couldn't be without a dog, so we decided to add this sweet bundle of joy to our house.  She's a boxer/border collie mix.  She's a smartie and the boys are loving having a new playmate around.  

We got her through Secondhand Hounds.  They have so many amazing rescue dogs that need forever homes.  Check them out!  

Blessings,

Megan

Happy Birthday Beau

As this is being posted I'm am sitting on an airplane headed to Phoenix for a week and you are beginning your week-long journey of being a single parent.  Thank you for being the love of my life, a strong supporter of everything I do (and am called to do), being an amazing father and my best friend.  I am so glad that God gave me you.  I love you.

Blessings,

Megan

Today Was the Day . . .

Today would have been my due date if I hadn't miscarried in June.  It still makes me sad.  It's sad to know that we could have been a family of 5 instead of 4 today.  I know that I will someday get to meet that sweet baby in heaven, but until then I will just think about him or her and smile knowing that he or she is wrapped in God's loving arms waiting for me to come.  

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)


This is a beautiful song by Selah about the love and sadness of losing a baby.

For now, I will just wait to see what God has in his plans for me, for us.

Megan

Love is. . .

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

(1 Corinthians 13:4)

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!  I hope you are able to spend the day today with those you love most!  We are going to have a nice quiet evening at home with the boys.  We're going to make homemade heart shaped pizza's for dinner!  

Because this song means so much to me right now, I wanted to share it with you.  Not always does God answer our prayers the way we want Him to.  

Laura Story - Blessings

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Megan