Laying it at His Feet

I was talking with a friend the other day about surrender.  It's such a hard thing to do.  And God doesn't want me to do it unless I want to.  It's my choice.  It's part of that free will thing.  When I decide to surrender, I have to do it in love.  If I'm not surrendering in love, then I might as well not surrender.

I've been reading Angie Smith's book I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy.  This is an amazing book by the way.  Definitely worth the read!  I'm realizing through reading this I am still working through the grief of my two miscarriages.  I'm still working on fully surrendering those to the Lord.

Anyways... I was reading her book at a coffee shop this morning and this is what I read.

"I literally screamed at the sky while I cried over my own hurt and the hurt of a sister 

I had never met.  He never back down, though, and I am grateful for that love.  It is 

the love of a Father who Himself is well acquainted with sorrow.  It is the love of a 

Father who has lost His Son.  He understands the ranting and the door-slamming.  

The emptiness tat wraps around me when I think of my sweet Audrey.

He knows.

And He only has one request.

Bring it right to Me, Angie.

Every time the anger roars in your heart.

Bring it to Me.

Every time you feel like nobody hears you.

Bring it to Me.

When you think it isn't fair.  When you think it isn't true.  When you can't think at all.

Bring it to My feet, and I will make an altar from your suffering." 

- Angie Smith, I Will Carry You

Whether is grief, life or something else that's overwhelming me.  I can take it to His feet.  I can surrender it to Him in love and He will make an altar from my suffering.  He understands everything that I'm going through.  It's all covered in His love.

I lift my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

Peace,

Megan

Stuck and Freedom

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/months where you just feel stuck?  That's where I am right now.  It's where God has asked me to be, but it's not where I want to be.  He doesn't want me to feel stuck, He wants me to lean into Him for strength.  I want to go off and do great and exciting things, but He wants me here.  And He wants me to find joy here.  I am here to do what He has planned for me, and my life.  I struggle with following His directions when it's so the opposite of what I want to be doing.

But I remind myself of this...
He can see the big picture.  I can't.  He knows what's best for me, I only think I do.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I've been here for about a month.  Not doing what I want to be doing, but trying my hardest to lean into Him and what He's called me to do: minister to my family.  Fully jump into everything.  And do it with love.  Even the small stuff like cleaning up spilled milk and fixing broken toys.

As a stay at home mom sometimes it doesn't always feel like I'm doing great things.  Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in the mundane.  I don't always like dealing with the meltdowns, laundry, dishes and arguments.  But then I'm reminded that the most important thing I get to do with my kids is share Jesus with them.  It's a choice I get to make.  It's not something I have to do.  I GET TO share the LOVE of Christ with my kids.  I show His love through all of my actions.  That's wiping tears, helping with homework, packing snacks, making dinner, helping make beds, washing clothes, being patient, everything.  When I do all of those things in love, it shows.  When I do all of those things while leaning into Him, it shows.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28 NIV

I'm not saying it's easy.  By no means is it easy.  It's a daily hourly every minute surrender.  Over and over each and every day.  Sometimes I don't surrender to Him and life gets harder.  The days feel like a constant battle.  Those are the days I feel stuck.  Those are the days I feel out of control.

JJ Heller has a song called Loved.  My favorite lines from the song come from the bridge.
Freedom comes in letting go
Open up the window to your heart
Freedom comes in letting go
Open up your heart

It's so true.  When I let go of my expectations and lean into His will, His Word, His plans I feel free.  I realize that I'm not stuck.  That I am doing great things.  That am I doing one of the greatest things of all... sharing Christ with my family.  And I'm finding joy in doing it.  I feel freedom because I've let go.

Peace,
Megan

I Have No Words, Just Prayers

One of my friends lost her baby girl a week ago.

Jesus.  I have no words.  Please.  Come.

I have no words.  My heart just aches.  Parents aren't supposed to bury their children.  I want to say the right thing.  I want to do something for them.  There is no right thing to say and there is nothing I can do that can make this ok.

So, what can I do to help?

Right now, all I can do is pray.  All I can do is lean into our Creator, asking Him to give them support.  To give them comfort.  To give them the strength to get through the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

Jesus.  Please.  Come.  Help.  Amen.

Arrowwood in Alexandria

We made another trip to Arrowwood Resort in Alexandria, MN with the Knowlton side of the family again this year.  Thanks again to the generosity of my grandparents.  This has been such a highlight for our boys the last few years and this year didn't disappoint.  This year we were able to spend a lot of time on my aunt and uncles boat.  My boys LOVED it!  Here are a few pics...

Barrett's First Day of School

Barrett started Kindergarten this year.  He's there all day and having fun.  His only complaint is that he doesn't "get to play much at home."  Here are a few pics of his first day.

Myles' First Day of Preschool

Myles started his first day of preschool at the end of August.  Here are a few pics of the morning.  He LOVES school and asks every day if he gets to go.

The End of Summer

Woah!  My last post was in mid-July.  Summer has been so busy and full that I haven't even had a chance to check in with all of you.  We have done most of our summer bucket list.

I don't know if we'll finish it all, Myles starts preschool tomorrow morning.  That's right.  My baby, my youngest, is now heading off to preschool two mornings a week.  I can't believe that.  He was just a "tiny" little newborn weighing 9 pounds!

Don't even get me started on Barrett.  He starts school on Tuesday.  All day kindergarten.  Days full of new adventures and friends.  I pray that he feels my love and Christ's love while he's away.

I'll post some pictures of back to school soon and hopefully I'll check in with you more often.  For now, savor these last days of summer (if you're still on summer break) and have fun with back to school!

Blessings,

Megan