My Very Special Person - A Guest Post

I am so thrilled to see how God is at work in our lives.  I got an email this morning from my "very special person" from this post.  She wanted to share a little more about her story, how our paths crossed at Holy Yoga retreat, and what God is doing with her since retreat.  So, I introduce LJ.  My sweet friend that God brought me in my time of need.

I feel as though I need to add my story to Megan's, because I am "the very special person...[who] knew exactly what [she] was going through."  Megan's story is moving and my story is moving, but the way our stories connect is amazing and shows just how truly awesome our God is.

Three days before Megan's miscarriage, my husband and I lost our first baby.  God showed me, shortly after it happened, that I would be asked to share my experience with others so that He could love people through me.  This was a hard revelation because it was not something I wanted to discuss, even though I wanted to be used by Him to help people.

Megan was in my small group at the Holy Yoga retreat.  She shared her testimony with us--her struggles with losing her two babies--and I felt God urging me to enter into her grief and walk alongside her.  I refused.  Too vulnerable.  Too scary.  During meditation the next morning, God STRONGLY nudged me (more of a shove, really) to share my story and my pain with Megan.  I wrestled with it for a while, but finally submitted and we began a week-long process of healing together. He turned our mourning into joy and our sorrow into gladness (Jer 31:13)

I came home from Arizona perfectly contented to let the story end there and sing God's praises, for "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Ps 147:3).  But God had bigger plans. My pastor pulled me aside in church and asked if I would speak to a new believer who just lost her baby.  He said he knew that we were keeping it to ourselves, but this woman needs to talk to someone who has been through it and so I came to mind. "I didn't know...is this too soon?"

Not a moment too soon!  A week ago, I would not have been ready, but by God's grace and for His glory, He gave me exactly what I needed when I needed it in order to be equipped to do the work He has for me to do--work that only I can do BECAUSE of my pain here on this earth; my submission to and trust in God's higher plan for my pain; and God's provision, comfort, and love through it all. Isn't that the message of the cross?

I just wanted to share that because Megan was as much a part of my healing process as I was part of hers, and I just think it's incredible how God brought two strangers together who shared the same pain and healed them through the fellowship they share in Christ.  How great is our God!

LJ

God is so good people!  Do you see it?  Do you see how He brings us the people we need?  Are you open to it?

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. (John 10:27-28)

Blessings,

Megan

My Breaking Point

I've been talking about my miscarriage a lot lately.  This was my second miscarriage, my first happened in June of 2011.  I was clinging to my babies not wanting to forget them, which was making me cling to my pain.  I was afraid to give that over to God because I thought it would make me forget them.  Forget their sweet, innocent, too short lives.

This brings me to my breaking point.  You know you've been there.  It's that point where you can't stand anymore.  You crumble to the floor in a messy pile.  People, I don't get there often.  I have been putting up walls around my heart to protect myself for years.  But, it wasn't protecting me at all.  I was just holding on to everything.

The first night at my Holy Yoga Retreat we did a gentle practice.  I was just excited to do some yoga after traveling all day.  I had no idea what God had planned for me that night.  Not long into the practice and I was sobbing, uncontrollably sobbing.  I was mourning the loss of my sweet babies.  Why did their lives have to end before I got to meet them?  I was not mourning alone, my Holy Yoga family was with me.  As soon as I started showing signs of crying someone was there, right next to me, adjusting my pose to go deeper, to help me release.  They were hugging me and comforting me.  No words needed to be spoken.  I don't know who was comforting me, I don't need to know.  They felt led to come to me and love me.  That is the love of Christ.  That is what Holy Yoga is all about.

After that practice I felt great.  What an emotional release sobbing was.  I felt like I had finally handed it over to God.  Then comes the next morning, after yet another sleepless night.  It's never that easy to get over something.  It took time to get me down into my dark place, it was going to take more time to get out of there.  Tuesday was a rough day.  I wanted to climb into bed and not get out all day.  I felt disconnected and discouraged.  Why was I even there?  Then we had small group and were sharing testimonies.  I went first and shared that I have a hard time seeing where God is through all of this.  I felt alone in it and abandoned.  I didn't even realize it, but I was putting myself out there again, opening up my heart a little bit more.  God brought me a very special person that week that knew exactly what I was going through.  That right there is why I was at this retreat and not in Virginia in October.

Then comes Wednesday morning.  I spent time during meditation asking God "Why?".  I spent time during morning practice asking God "Why?".  So, God led me to my small group leader, Kathi (who has a gift for bringing tears and cheers).  I walked up to her and everything spilled out.  All of my hurt, my anger, my fear.  She listened to it all and said we needed Renee (a woman with a beautiful spirit).  God led Kathi to Renee.  He knew who he could use to break down my walls.  I shared my story with Renee and then we prayed.

People, I've never prayed like that before.  I felt that prayer in my heart.  I felt that wall in my heart crumble and I felt Him take my pain.  He took it for me.  So I wouldn't have to bear it anymore.  I am lighter.  Have I forgotten my babies?  Nope, not once have I forgotten them.  But, I left behind the pain of losing my two babies because I know that He has them and He has me.

I share these part of my story with you today because this JJ Heller video spoke to me today.

To purchase this please go here.

LOVED

Words and Music by Dave and JJ Heller

Do you dream of a home you never had 

An innocence that you cannot get back 

The pain is real

You can’t erase it

Sooner or later you have to face it down 

Down

You have to face it down

You are loved

Do you keep your thoughts inside your head 

Will you regret the things you never said You have a voice

You have to use it

You have a choice

Don’t let them shut you down 

Down

Don’t let them shut you down

You are loved

Do you feel the ache inside your soul

You know you’ll never make it on your own 

Sorrow is too great for you to hold it 

You’re gonna break

Why don’t you lay it down

Freedom comes in letting go

Open up the window to your heart 

Freedom comes in letting go

Open up your heart

This was just the first of many of my walls.  God please help me to let you take more of my walls down.

Can you lay it all down before the Lord and let Him take it? 

Blessings,

Megan  

Labyrinth

I got back from my Holy Yoga Retreat a week ago.  It was bittersweet to leave Phoenix.  The weather was beautiful, the food was awesome, the community was amazing, the entire experience was healing.  I missed my family and I know that I couldn't stay away on that "mountain" forever.  I received many texts, emails and facebook messages encouraging me during the week and wanting to know all about retreat.  I am blessed to have all of you in my life.  To encourage me, pray for me and get excited for me.

I don't have words to express my week at Spirit in the Desert.  I went there broken, with many walls around my heart.  Walls that I had put up to protect myself, but they weren't protecting me.  Walls that God started taking down while I was there.

I'm going to try to share some bits and pieces of that amazing week with you.  Hopefully it comes when He wants it to.

One evening I decided to walk the labyrinth.  As I started I was walking with my arms crossed.  After realizing this I told myself I need to be open to the process.  I let my arms go and He truly started to speak to me.  It's in my personality to always know where I'm going.  To figure out where the path is going to lead me.  As I walked the labyrinth I would try to figure out where it was going to go next.  I was almost always wrong.  What does that mean?  To me it means that His process in how we get somewhere is so much greater than the way I would do it.

Walking the labyrinth of life is a process.  My ways/thoughts/plans are not the way He wants me to go.  I want to go in the most direct route with the least amount of detours.  This is how I am on road trips, just ask my family, I do not like to stop.  God wants me (us) to learn from the journey of life.  There are twists and turns in life that He will use for the good.  

I had a friend tell me that when taking a step back from her life and looking over the paths that God has led her and her family on it's just beautiful.  It hasn't always been pretty or without pain, but it is beautiful.  To know that you let Him lead you through the dark times.

Blessings,

Megan