Happy Wedding Day Jared and Megan!

Today is the day we celebrate their love!

Credit: Time Into Pixels Photography

Happy Birthday Beau

As this is being posted I'm am sitting on an airplane headed to Phoenix for a week and you are beginning your week-long journey of being a single parent.  Thank you for being the love of my life, a strong supporter of everything I do (and am called to do), being an amazing father and my best friend.  I am so glad that God gave me you.  I love you.

Blessings,

Megan

A Broken Heart That's Trying to Heal

A little history...
I wrote this post 5 weeks ago.  I never intended to post it, it's too painful.  It's been laid on my heart to post it.  I've been struggling with this for the last few days, but it's supposed to be out there.  I'm opening my heart.  So I can heal.  Maybe to help others heal.  This is part of what I'm doing with the Holy Yoga Heart Opener Challenge.  #hyheartopenerchallenge

As I sit her on my bed and type this I don't even know if I will ever post it.  I realize I've been missing for a while.  Well, if I'm honest it's just been a really rough few months.  After missing my Holy Yoga training retreat at the end of October it's been a very bumpy road.  I came to terms with missing retreat.  I must not have been ready or something.  So, I decided to go to retreat in Phoenix in April.  I can't wait, it's only five and a half weeks away.  It will be here before I know it.  I have a feeling that this is the retreat that I was supposed to be at all along.  I am going to get some healing there.  Healing from what?

That brings me to December.  I want to have another baby.  My heart longs for it.  I feel like someone is missing in our family.  This feeling only got stronger after my miscarriage in June 2011.  In December I prayed and prayed that if we were supposed to have another baby, that it please happen.  Please Lord, make this happen.  I was also feeling called to the the Pre/Post Natal Holy Yoga training that was going to start in January and wanted a real obvious reason to start that.  Well, on December 23 I got an answer.  I was pregnant!  We were getting our third baby... finally!  And I was going to do the training.

I was thrilled to be pregnant again, even if my morning sickness was lasting all day long.  I hadn't ever experienced this, but it was worth it.  On January 29th I went in for my first prenatal appointment.  My mom came with me so she could hear the baby's heartbeat.  My in-laws were watching the boys.  We couldn't find the heartbeat, so my midwife sent me to have an ultrasound.  After starting the ultrasound the tech said, "I'm so sorry, there's no heartbeat."  I'm bawling my eyes out.  why... Why... WHY?  Why is this happening again?  My mom is just rubbing my hand, staying close to me, trying to comfort me.  I called Beau and choked out the words "We lost another one, there's no heartbeat."

My mom and I went back up to meet with my midwife.  They both consoled me, hugged me, loved on me.  Then my midwife explained what happened.  I had a blighted ovum.  An egg was fertilzed, implanted and started to grow.  But, because of a chromosomal abnormality and embryo never formed.  It stopped growing two and a half weeks earlier, but I was still having pregnancy symptoms. My body still thought it was pregnant.  We scheduled an appointment to meet with an OB two days later to discuss our options.  We decided to do a d&c to remove the tissue.  Surgery was scheduled for the next day.

So, let me recap the week for you.
Monday- pregnant
Tuesday- 1st prenatal appointment, found out I miscarried
Wednesday- day at home
Thursday- meet with OB
Friday- surgery

Yeah, I would say that my world was sufficiently turned upside down that week.  I had moments that week where the burden was so heavy, I couldn't stand.  I felt like a pile of mush, a puddle on the floor.  I have amazing family and friends that came up along us and helped out, prayed and listened.  I thank God for putting that support into place.  I couldn't have made it through without the support.

So, here I am writing this a month after my surgery.  My body still thinks I'm pregnant.  My hcG levels still aren't back to normal.  I still ache for the babies I've lost.  I still feel like someone is missing.

For lent I decided to add something to my daily routine rather than take something away.  I decided I would do Holy Yoga every day.  Now, I haven't done it every day, but it's been close.  Almost two weeks ago I got on my mat and prayed.

Lord, I'm so lost right now.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.

I don't feel like I know anything.

Please tell me what you want from me.

What direction do you want me to go?

Amen

I didn't like the answer I got.  This is what I heard.  It was a whisper in my heart.

Sacrifice your third child and birth my ministry

WHAT?!?!?!?!  I knew exactly what He meant.  He meant it's time.  It's time to put my wants and needs aside and do what He's called me to do.  To start up the Holy Yoga Ministry at Messiah UMC.  So, after much prayer, tears, bargaining (never another child or just on hold), discernment and more prayer I am going to do just that.  I am doing what He has called me to do.  As painful as it is to put aside what I want.  I know this is best.  Best for me and for my family.

Found this one on the Rev Wellness facebook page this week... so true!

Friends, I still ache.  The pain of losing two babies will always be with me... even if we have another baby someday.  I just remember this verse.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Blessings,
Megan

Today Was the Day . . .

Today would have been my due date if I hadn't miscarried in June.  It still makes me sad.  It's sad to know that we could have been a family of 5 instead of 4 today.  I know that I will someday get to meet that sweet baby in heaven, but until then I will just think about him or her and smile knowing that he or she is wrapped in God's loving arms waiting for me to come.  

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)


This is a beautiful song by Selah about the love and sadness of losing a baby.

For now, I will just wait to see what God has in his plans for me, for us.

Megan

Love is. . .

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

(1 Corinthians 13:4)

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!  I hope you are able to spend the day today with those you love most!  We are going to have a nice quiet evening at home with the boys.  We're going to make homemade heart shaped pizza's for dinner!  

Because this song means so much to me right now, I wanted to share it with you.  Not always does God answer our prayers the way we want Him to.  

Laura Story - Blessings

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Megan

Fire Station Tour

The other day the boys and I got to go to the Minnetonka Fire Station for a tour.  My childhood friend Kevin is a fireman there and we had so much fun exploring the station with him.  Here are a few pictures of our adventure!

Barrett driving the firetruck. 

Kevin making sure my kids don't fall out.

Testing out the headset.

Myles too!

Thanks Kev!  We will have to do that again!  We had so much fun!

Megan

Mark 12:30

I've been thinking about this verse a lot lately...

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind 

and with all your strength. (Mark 12:30)

 I started going to Holy Yoga in October.  I love it!  It's been a great way for me to renew my mind, body and spirit.  I go almost every Thursday.  I don't know if it was at the end of December or the beginning of January, but Holy Yoga has been on my heart and mind almost constantly.  I am feeling like God is calling me to become a Holy Yoga Instructor.  What?!?!  I don't read my bible every day (unless the kids' bible counts), I'm not comfortable leading people in prayer and I don't like public speaking.  These are all things involved in being a Holy Yoga instructor.

So, why am I feeling this way?

I don't know.  I'm praying all of the time to try to figure this out. 

Megan

Here's a picture (unrelated to this post) because I think everyone like to see pictures :)

Taken by my dear friend, Kristi Atkinson, at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis.
I will be sharing more of these since they are so fantastic!

Brotherly Love

Myles wakes up almost every morning before Barrett.  The other morning was especially sweet.  We were playing in his room and my back was to the door.  He was facing the door and we starts yelling "Bare, Bare, Bare."  (That's what he calls big brother).  I turned around and there's Barrett standing in the hallway with a HUGE smile on his face.  These two really do love each other so much.

(source)

(source)

Myles wants to do everything that Barrett does.  If Barrett is going to school, Myles says "me, me me?"  Soon enough little guy, soon enough.  For now, I'll keep you at home with me :)

Hoping today that your house is filled with laughter and love.  

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3 NLT)

Megan

A New Kitchen

For Christmas this year we decided to make the boys a kitchen set.  It seems to be the thing they both love to play with wherever they go, so we went for it.  After scouring the internet for hours trying to find inspiration we came across this amazing kitchen set.  It wasn't girly and we LOVED the details!  So, we found an entertainment center on Craigslist for free, yes FREE, and started making our list of materials that we would need.  We took lots of ideas from our inspiration kitchen set because it was done so well.  But we really tried to put our own twist on it too.  Hope you enjoy the pictures of our journey.  We started this on Saturday, December 17 and "finished" it on Friday, December 23rd.  Just in time for Christmas but not completely finished.  We had plenty of mishaps along the way :)

Here is the very UGLY entertainment center before we did anything to it.

The plan was to do two coats of primer, two coats of paint and one coat of poly.  After researching painting laminate online, we bought some KILZ Complete Oil-Based Primer.  We used some leftover paint from our kitchen.  We thought that was kind of cute that their kitchen would be the same color as ours.

See if definitely needs another coat of primer!

Me staining the wainscot in a beautiful gray

 Here's a picture of it after three (YES THREE) coats of primer!  Only two coats did NOT cut it.  Ugggggghhhhhh!  That was not a fun thing to do three times.  Primer is really stinky.  

Beautiful... you can't see the ugly laminate anywhere!!!

We picked up most of the accessories at IKEA.  This idea came from our inspiration piece.  We got the pan rack, s-hooks, faucet, knobs, burners, felt food, utensils, timer and dishes from there.  I had the canister and the oven rack laying around the house. The boys got some wooden food for Christmas from my parents too!

The "finished" product.

Close up of the sink and stovetop.

The lower half (fridge, shelves and oven).

The side pantry.

We still plan to add an oven door, fridge door and freezer door.  We need to add some shelves in the fridge and more... we just ran out of time.  Like I said we started a week before Christmas (we're nuts!)

Hopefully we've inspired you to do something fun like this too.  We had plenty of mishaps during the week; chipping paint, cracking paint, having to totally change what we were planning to do because our original ideas were NOT so great when put into action.  It was a fun experience for us to do together.  

Have you ever done something like this?

Megan  

Myles

Sweet little baby boy.  What a precious gift from God!

Always such a happy baby and such a blessing that you were added to our family!

Starting to gain your independence and loving to play with some "big kid toys"

That mischievous grin on your face always makes me smile and wonder what you're thinking of doing next. 

You've grown to be such a wonderful toddler.  Always exploring the world around you and loving life to the fullest.

I thank God every single day that you are a part of this family.  I am so glad that I get to be your mama.  Love you so much!  

Happy Birthday Myles!

Mama

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!  

I hope everyone had a wonderful day celebrating the birth of Jesus!

Megan

Wonderful Day

What a wonderful day we had today.  We got up, got ready and went to church (both boys went to Sunday School, which doesn't always happen).  After church my parents took the boys back to their house so my wonderful hubby and I could get some Christmas shopping done.  I have to tell you, I didn't realize how much we needed the afternoon together.  We got almost everything completely done.  There are just a few things left to get.  What's better than getting most of the shopping done?  I got to spend an entire 4 hours of uninterrupted time alone with my husband.  It was amazing!  We really needed it.

It is as obvious to everyone else in this picture that he's a foot taller than me?

What's your favorite thing to do on a date with your significant other?
Hoping that you get to spend some quality time with the one you love!

Megan

Sickies and Snuggles

I'm sure that everyone else is dealing with the random illness that is going around.  Right now we've been battling colds in this house for about a month.  As much as I hate it when my kids are sick, there is one thing that I love... the snuggle time.

Snuggling with sweet baby boy.

And with my sweet big boy.

Here's hoping that you and your kids stay well during this season.  

If anyone does get sick... enjoy the snuggles!

Megan

For the love of Daddy

Last night's bedtime was hard.  Beau was working late and I put the boys to bed by myself.  Thirty minutes after putting the boys in their rooms they were both still whining/crying a little so I went in and checked in them.

Myles was because he's cutting his i teeth right now.  SO PAINFUL!  I gave him some baby orajel and tylenol.  Sang him a few songs and he went to sleep.

Barrett was up because he was upset.  He missed daddy.  He had been crying enough there was a grapefruit sized wet spot on his sheet.  My remedy, call daddy at 9:30pm.  So, we called daddy.  Barrett didn't hardly say anything, but nodded his head yes in response to everything Beau said.  Beau told him that he loved him and missed him, that he would see him in the morning and it was time to go to sleep.  I got him some water, tucked him in and sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.  He went to sleep shortly after.

Beau arrived home around 10:30pm (I think).  Barrett woke up about 30 minutes later (I don't know why) but was very happy to see daddy.  He got his hugs and loves and went to sleep.

This morning Barrett came bolting out his room with a HUGE smile on his face.  Daddy was still home and he got to see him for a little bit before he had to go to work.  When Myles got up and saw daddy he squealed with delight.

Tonight, Beau is taking Barrett and Sawyer (my almost 12 year old cousin) to the movie Cars 2.  This couldn't have been timed better.  Barrett is so excited to go do something special with daddy and Sawyer.

I love that my boys have such a wonderful daddy.  He works so hard (and some very long hours with his second jobs sometimes) but he's always available to play, listen to and love on our two sweet boys.  I am very lucky to have such a wonderful man as my husband and as daddy to Barrett and Myles.