Wednesday, May 22, 2013


I started my Holy Yoga practice the other morning with the intent of surrender.  A few nights ago Beau gave me some news.  I knew what he told me already, but to hear it spoken out loud is different.  The news could possibly be a big change for us.  I don't do change well.

I also just started reading Hinds Feet On High Places.  It's a book about total surrender to God.  God is with you through the trenches, in the lowest of the low.  If you fully trust in Him, fully surrender, He'll take you to the high places.

I approach everything with caution (aka fear).  I'm afraid of being fully open, too vulnerable.  It's too much for me.  I've spent my entire life building up walls of protection around myself.  This is so I don't have to feel the pain, the hurt of life.

What have my walls done for me?  Nothing!

Have I released the pain from my past?  No!

All of the pain and hurt from my life is stuck inside the walls around my heart.  The walls that I put there.  They are the walls that He wants to tear down.  But, He doesn't want to take a wrecking ball to my walls.  That would be too fast and we (He and I) wouldn't be able to work through each piece.  Some of it would get lost in the rubble.  He wants to take my walls down one brick at a time.


That's going to take a long time.  He wants to put that much work into me.  He would do it for anyone.  I need to feel each and every brick.  To feel the weight of them and let them go.  One at a time.  Releasing them to Him.

(Insert big sigh...)

It won't be easy and I can't do it alone.  I'm glad that He'll be there with me every brick along the way.  I need Him.  I need His strength, because I'm tired just thinking about the work ahead.  I'm still trying to fully surrender to this process.  It's hard.  But, He is on my side.

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30


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